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Some Would Say This is Cruel and Unusual Punishment...

Naw.....they deserve it.

Now, we're not "stock prudes". We've made a few bucks in the market. Honestly, we feel
better when we work for a living, and some might say that's evidence of poor breeding.
And so it may be. But we have kind of a hard time with those smug types who think they've got the world by the Kahoneys because they invested in Microsoft in 1984. And they might be right. Then again.....they might be wrong. Spread a few of these around the office. Then sit back, and watch the show. Let's see...Greed...the sixth? Fourth? First?
Of the Seven Deadly Sins, which one is greed? We forget.


Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us. 


Floor Frantic in Wake of Slump

Stocks Slump; Emergency Actions Invoked

A Few Markets Hit Lows Comparable to 1989 

Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)

The local sharemarket suffered its biggest decline in more than twenty eight months yesterday.

It fell 3.8 per cent as investors reacted to concerns the United States is heading towards a recession which prompted another savage fall overnight on Wall Street.

The All Ordinaries index closed 157.2 points lower - its biggest drop since the start of the "tech wreck" in April of last year - wiping $112 billion off the value of the equity market.

Leading the decline was Data Corp, whose shares fell $14.41. Shares in the media group, trading at a record highs in March, are now $14.12 lower than at the start of the year.

Data Corp, together with Feps and Mende Lease, accounted for more than half the All Ords fall.

The local market plunge followed a 5.5 per cent slump overnight Wednesday on the influential Dow Jones Industrials index. The Nasdaq fell 17.1 per cent, bringing its fall so far this week to 21 per cent. Nasdaq is now at levels seen last in March 1989.

The US Federal Reserve Board, which opted to keep interest rates on hold this week, is expected to cut rates well ahead of the next scheduled meeting of the Federal Open Markets Committee, its interest rate setting body, late in January.

Mr Winton Summoriagli, head of funds management at Investors Security, said despite the volatility, trading on the local sharemarket was expected to show "some resiliency".

He is advising investors to stick with solid stocks traditionally associated with earnings certainty.

"In the current climate stocks like the banks may continue to hold steady," he said. "High techs, however, will still suffer 'more than significant' downside."

"This is a very scary time."

See Emergency Meeting Page D-5


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Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE
Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE
Small Size is SMALL -- roughly a 6 x 9 inch "Pocket Clipping" with NO HEADLINE 
Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE
Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it's an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE