Fake Newspaper Article WASHINGTON'S GRAND WIZARD FOR SEVEN YEARS GOES PUBLIC

Just what, exactly, DOES eBay allow? Hint: They don't even know themselves...

 We have friends of all colors. We're not even sure what color we are, since we're all terminally color blind. Frankly, we're sick of this whole race/color thing. Don't we all have better things to think about? We saw one instance where a huge black man's friend ordered this piece for him. We were present when he read it. It put him on the floor, and we thought we might have to call 911 to revive him, he was laughing so hard. He delights in leaving this on the coffee table when white friends come to visit him. He only tells a few the truth. When you have a LOT of fun with a piece, we like to hear about it. That's what keeps us going.

Sidenote: We used to promo some of these articles on eBay to gauge interest and response. This particular piece was banned from eBay, by eBay staffers, "because it makes fun of the KKK." We still have their emails. We argued with them for weeks. We showed them numerous eBay auctions that were selling old literature that was pro KKK. eBay said that was different. Go figure.

Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us. 

 Local man (center) 'fesses up: I Am the Grand Wizard!

Washington's Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard for Seven Years Goes Public

"Why Did I Do It? I'm Tired of Being Asked That---It was My Version of an IQ Test for These People. I Wanted to Know if They Could Really Tell the Difference Between a White Man and a Black Man. They Couldn't."

Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)

The "Good 'Ol Boy" network of KKK members in Washington state was rocked on its heels today as Casey Jones, an African American dock worker for Hanson Inc., announced publicly that he was installed as the KKK's Grand Wizard seven years ago, and has held that position ever since. "There's no question that's the man," conceded an angry Billy Bob Wanker, spokesman for the NW Chapter of the Klan. "We put (Casey) in that position and we've supported him all these years. We're not sure where the breakdown occurred, but you can be hot-damn sure some heads are gonna roll because of it!" Casey says he took the position on a lark. "Everything with those folks is done in secret. Most of them don't even know what the others look like," said Casey. "There was a slip-up nine years ago, when one of the Klan accidentally called me at home and informed me that I'd been "cleared" to join the KKK by some guy named Jimbo, who was the third cousin of some other guy named Billy Ray, a member of the Klan in good standing. For the heck of it, I played along with the phone call. I never expected it to go further than that. But on the morning of the meeting, I started having crazy thoughts. I attended the meeting that night, with a white sheet over my head of course. Well, those guys liked me. They liked me a lot. And two years later they elected me Grand Wizard. What an honor! I never laughed so hard in my life, and I've been laughing ever since. Hell, I even cancelled my cable TV---who needs more entertainment than this? The KKK has made me a happy man. Watching those guys has been like watching Beavis and Butthead for seven wonderful years. I owe them a lot." Heads have indeed begun to roll within the inner sanctum of the KKK. "Frankly," said one KKK member, "We don't know if the Klan can survive this. It's a disaster."

See Intelligence: What is it Exactly? Page D-6

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