Skip to content



Original price $9.99 - Original price $9.99
Original price
$9.99 - $9.99
Current price $9.99

Wanna Get Rid of the Kids, the Inlaws, Your Spouse......?


Well, you can't get rid of 'em FOREVER--- But you can ditch 'em
for an afternoon with no trouble at all!

First, figure out where you want your crop circles to appear---think of an 
agricultural area outside of town. Tell us the area, and the name
of the road or route that leads there. We'll write it all up. And
you'll pass them all out. We've known people to go absolutely crazy 
trying to find the crop circles. They'll stop and ask dozens
of farmers if they know where they are. They'll have a nice time in the 
country, and you'll have a nice time HOME ALONE. Leave a few lying 
around the office on Friday. Then listen to all the stories on Monday.


Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us. 


Aerial photo shows crop circle about 150 yards in diameter 

First Crop Circle Found Locally

Investigators from England Arrive to Study

Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)

John Graham got out of bed this morning and ate the breakfast his wife had cooked for him, thinking it was just another day. But John Graham was mistaken, as he quickly realized when he glanced out the kitchen window and noticed what has come to be called a "crop circle" in the middle of his "South Forty".

John's wife called her mother, Alice, and Alice called her friends around town, and within hours John Graham's fields were overrun by the curious, the media, self proclaimed investigators and experts, and even more media.

"Well, it's a big deal for a little berg like Eatonville," admitted Mr. Graham, who was coping admirably with the hoards of people trampling his fields. "Sure," John admitted, "this is costing me in terms of crop yield---but nothing like this has ever happened around here, and folks just have to see it for themselves."

By noon about a thousand people had gathered in the fields 18 miles east of town off of route 28. A police helicopter could be seen making lazy arcs across adjacent properties, and sightseeing Cessna pilots almost created a traffic jam 500 feet above John's field as they clamored and maneuvered for the best aerial photos.

Local authorities refused to comment on the phenomenon other than to suggest it was the product of hoaxers.

But several scientists who have studied similar circles in the UK and the Netherlands claim the circles in John Graham's south forty exhibit all the bizarre physical properties of circles in Europe which have been pronounced "authentic". And dozens of spectators have described various sensations while standing in parts of the pattern, including a feeling of warmth, and a ringing in the ears "like bells which never stop". Some have claimed they can hear faint singing while in the circles, and still more have described "a feeling of horror and dread" and have refused to re-enter the patterns.

See Strange Lights Sighted Page D-5


To create your own story from scratch,
using your own main image, please
click instead of using this form.


Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE
Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE
Small Size is SMALL -- roughly a 6 x 9 inch "Pocket Clipping" with NO HEADLINE 
Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE
Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it's an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE