"HONEY, THERE'S SOMETHING I GOTTA TELL YA..."You were broke. It was Christmas Eve. The science department on campus offered you $25. You thought,
"What the heck. Who'll ever know?"
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Baby's biological father (inset). Baby bears startlingly human features.
Genetics Research Advances; Experiments Right or Wrong?
It's a boy!
Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)
The newborn belongs to Vaughn and Julie, a couple of African Gorillas residing at Seattle's Woodland Zoo. The pair has been caged together for fourteen years and this is their second offspring to live.
"Their first baby, a girl, was natural in every way," says Dr. John Weston, Gorilla specialist at the zoo, and the man in charge of genetics experiments for a chain of Zoos from San Diego to Vancouver, B.C. "But this one.......this one is, uh, different."
Casey Jones, a local resident of Kent and an employee for Hanson warehousing, was in college 23 years ago when this all began.
"I needed the money," Casey shrugged. "They offered me $25 for my sperm. I signed a bunch of waivers. And I forgot about it."
But Casey's small contribution wasn't forgotten by science. Four years ago geneticists began experimenting with techniques to clone certain characteristics of humans and gorillas together. That research has resulted in "Frankie", the baby, uh, gorilla/human.
"He's as healthy as a horse," beamed Dr. John. It's too early to know exactly what we've produced. His facial features obviously appear very human, but who can say what else is human?"
Casey Jones has refused to discuss the matter at length, except to say that he has gone into intensive psychiatric therapy to deal with the ramifications of having produced a modern day "ape boy". Mr. Jones appeared dazed and confused during this interview.
"He needs his rest," offered a family friend. "He just needs lots and lots of rest."
See 'Indications of a Growing Alien Threat' Page D-5
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