Goat Molester. The Horror. The horror.
This is probably our hottest sicko piece in the risqué section..
Perfect for circulation in the office on your last day.
Got a company snapshot of your boss?
Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us.
Local man shown with favorite goat he named 'BOSCO'
Man Arrested on Charge of Goat Molestation
Local Man Faces Possible Prison Term
Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)
A Kent man, Casey Jones, was arrested today on multiple charges of goat molestation. The City Attorney's office says this is the first charge of its kind in Kent's history.
"We will prosecute this to the fullest extent of the law," said Assistant Prosecutor Elaine Fullmore. "We need to send a signal to our young people that goat molestation has not ever been, and will never be, tolerated in this district."
But Casey's co-workers defended their friend during an exclusive and emotional interview: "C'Mon! He's just that kind of guy! Cut him some slack! Goats, pigs, small farm animals of every kind--- Casey has always been an animal lover, and this is just his way of expressing that love."
Mr. Jones was finally located at the Acme Warehouse, where he works as a loader. He defended his actions and called the Assistant City Attorney "a big fat whiner". Jones said he has no plans to stop molesting goats, and resents that anyone would suggest that he stop.
"Hey," Casey said, "If the goats like it, and I like it, where's the crime? There's no victim here!"
In response, Elaine Fullmore was quoted as saying, "I'm gonna git that sucker."
An unidentified woman commented to press officials, "Hey! What can I say? Without them goats in the backyard, I wouldn't stand a chance. I mean, that man's after me day and night. I don't NEVER git no rest-leastways, not until Casey got them goats. Now, life's pretty good."
A trial date has not been set.
See GOAT RUCKERS Page A-9
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This is sooo funny!!!! Got it to prank one of my fraternity brothers as a prank and ordered out several copies to give to people hahahahahaha now we call him the goat molester. There's been some inside joke about the "goat", but you get it lol