Smart Bombs Hit Backyard in Denver
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Suburbia Wakes Up to Surprise
New "Smart Bombs" Maybe Not So Smart
No Injuries in Latest Malfunctioning Smart Bomb Attack
Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)
Residents of the relatively sleepy neighborhood of Sunset Acres, a subdivision of Denver, woke up this morning to an unsettling surprise: It seems that overnight they'd been "bombed".
"We didn't hear a thing!" Exclaimed Mary Johnson, who lives two doors down from the yard where the bomb impacted. "The kids came in this morning yelling about a bomb, and I thought they were talking about a cartoon. I told them to go outside and play."
The Air Force admits its chagrined. Admitted Colonel James Boydon, "This was a GPS guided bomb that was dropped last night over Iraq. It was destined to take out one of the presidential palaces in Bagdad. Unfortunately, while our ordinance is the best in the world, mistakes can, as we all know, uh....happen. Somebody probably typed in the wrong coordinates. That's all."
The "smart" bomb landed only a continent away---but close only counts in horseshoes.
Colonel Boydon conceded that they lost track of the bomb just after its release over Bagdad, and it was something of a guessing game to figure out where it went. "Apparently it just went on walk-about." Boydon said. "There was a pool going on where it would hit, of course." The Colonel winked.
Casey Jones, the homeowner whose back yard the bomb landed in, says he'd like to have it defused and keep it as a souvenir. But Air Force officials quickly nixed that idea.
"This is a highly sophisticated, top-secret, precision military device," warned a military spokesperson. "We'll recover the bomb, refurbish it, and try again. Maybe this time we'll get lucky."
Jones said he wasn't angry about the mistake. "Hey," he said. "I watch CNN. ---- happens. The Air Force promised to pay for the dog house, and we never liked Old Yeller all that much anyhow."
The Air Force said the mishap was rare, and probably wouldn't happen again.
See: Precision Bombs---America's New Defense, Page C-5
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