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Got friends or relatives overseas? Wanna ring their bell?


Just tell us the country you want "occupied".
We'll do the rest. We'll create the map and re-word the piece.
Then watch your friends "over there" vent and fume.
Heck, just give the U.S. a few years---
--it might not even be a joke then!


(This one's a little delicate. It's a JOKE, and is so marked on the reverse. However, it's not so prominently marked as to ruin the effect.)


Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us. 


 Map shows area of SE Finland affected by agreement 

Negotiations Culminate in Agreement Between US and Finland

Displaced Fins to Receive about $2300 each (US) to relocate 

Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)

The Bush administration, with the State Department, made a joint statement today regarding the outcome of talks and negotiations between the US and Finland.

In a deal which was negotiated in secret over four years, the Finnish government has agreed to lease a huge section of southeast Finland to American petroleum interests.

"This will in no way affect the culture or lifestyle of Fins in the region," insisted a State Department spokesperson. "We're going to considerable lengths to make sure that the American presence there will in no way intrude on the existing population."

But not everyone is convinced.

Said John Wilkhams, professor of sociology for Princeman University in Chicago, "What the State Department seems to be neglecting to mention is that American oil interests are gearing up to move over three quarters of a million American oil workers into that region over the next two years. That's not counting an almost equal number of support and peripheral workers, which will be Americans, not Fins. That's not a presence the Finnish population is going to be able to ignore."

Indeed, it seems the State Department is not telling all. A program has been uncovered which allows for recompensation to Fins who wish to relocate out of the American occupied area, to more western or northern regions of their country. The base compensatory allotment is about $2300 (US equivalent) to each family who feels they cannot live in their homeland after the Americans arrive.

"These people certainly do not have to leave their homes," commented Wayne Conklin of the State Department. "The US lease was granted for 99 years, which is a standard duration for such a large occupation. The only scenario which could even conceivably cause mandatory relocation of [the Fins] would be if there were concerns that the US personnel were unable to amicably co-exist with the existing population. In that case, of course," Mr. Conklin continued, "the US contract would take precedence, and perhaps some of the existing population might be displaced forcibly. We really don't think that will happen though," he was quick to add.

American personnel are scheduled to begin moving into the region within 60 days.

Many Fins are reported to be "extremely angry" over the deal. Small demonstrations broke out across the region within minutes of the announcement.

See Related Story Page D-5


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Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE
Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE
Small Size is SMALL -- roughly a 6 x 9 inch "Pocket Clipping" with NO HEADLINE 
Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE
Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it's an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE