Golden Girls Prostitution Ring
Okay, okay. We didn't write this. Well, maybe we did, but....our hearts weren't in it.
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Local man says he's not ashamed
Prostitution Sting Nets 8
Local Man Tells Police, "Stop Harassing These Girls!"
Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)
A Hoodsport man was among eight others rounded up Saturday night in another of the city's long history of 'tough love" on prostitutes in the Ponder's Corner area.
Casey Jones, owner of a Hood Canal SCUBA shop, was arrested on "suspicion of procuring the services of a prostitute". He was released on his own recognizance.
"First," says Casey, "you have to realize that these girls are just out here trying to make a living. They aren't doing anything wrong. They're just sweet gals who are lonely and broke. I help 'em in both departments."
Vice Detective Barry Holden says the 'girls' are getting older as the years go by.
"We're not seeing a lot of young women break into the profession. That leaves more room for the, uh, 'more experienced' ladies to ply their trade."
A police spokesman who asked not to be identified said candidly that the city may want to re-think its current crack-down on the red light district in Tacoma.
"These gals are just too (expletive) old to be arrested!" he fumed. "Hell, we had three of them collapse with coronary events because we startled them when we knocked on the doors to their motel rooms. Four more fainted on the way to jail because they had skipped their blood pressure medicine. We couldn't get the cuffs on one old broad because her hands were shaking so badly with Parkinson's. And six more couldn't be identified because of their various states of Alzheimer's---- they couldn't remember their own names! Arresting these gals is a huge liability to the city. We just can't afford it!"
Asked to explain the attraction to "older" hookers, Casey Jones shrugged and said, "Hey! They're the sweetest ones! They don't cause any trouble. They're easy to please, and half the time they pay me!"
The Mayor's office has declined to return our calls.
See 'Aged Like Fine Wine', or 'Just Old and Smelly?' Page D-5
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