Purple Owie Award (fake Purple Heart)
Now You Too Can Have John Kerry’s
Purple Owie Award
Got a paper cut?
Painful hangnail?
Hemorrhoids?
Indigestion?
A Pimple?
You qualify for a Purple Owie Award
Item Number — FC-47
Some people don’t know if they like John Kerry or not. He doesn’t seem to have a lot to say. Why? Because he’s too busy boasting about his Purple Heart. For a guy who couldn’t wait to cut the thing up in public after Vietnam, he sure likes to work it into conversation when he thinks it’ll pull in a few votes. Make up your mind, John! Either you’re proud of the thing or you’re not!
We have questions about the severity of John’s “wounds” for which he received his Purple Heart(s). We sort of wish the United States Armed Forces wouldn’t hand the real ones out like candy. A Purple Heart should be a serious award. It means the recipient has put it all on the line for his country (you and us), and almost lost the game. We feel that when Purple Hearts are given out like aspirin, it detracts from the value of the award when given for real injuries, like lost limbs.
You don’t have to go to war and get s
hot to get this Purple Heart. You can have it for a few bucks. -Or, heck, maybe John Kerry’ll give you his.
Certificates are personalized with:
Victim’s name
Injury(s) suffered
When and where
“A Unique and welcome gift for anyone with an owie!”
Gold seal is pressure-embossed (not printed). 8.5 x 11 inches. Printed on heavy glossy stock, this particular certificate is highly detailed. (that’s John Kerry from our “Morning After” collection on the medal)
The perfect alternative to a cheesy “Get Well” card! Tape this on the wall in the patient’s room and watch the staff provide slightly better care. After all, what nurse can forget the patient who’s won the Purple Owie Award?
Know someone who just broke an arm, leg, skull, their ego? For friends recovering from an illness, injury, operation… Forget cheesy “get-well” cards. Make ’em smile with a Purple Owie Award!
We’re not sure how fond we are of George W. Bush these days, but My God! Give us something better than Frank Burns and Howdy Doody! Give us more than a cry-baby 2nd Louie and a smarmy Tele-vangelist! Give us something more than Ted Baxter and the Cheshire Cat! And the government wonders why no one votes. FOR WHOM?!?
We accept MasterCard and VISA, etc..
FC-47, “Purple Owie Award” generally ships within 1-2 days.
What our customers say about us.
$16.95 for 2
Item Number — FC-47