Clinton Presidential Pardon Reality Version
This is the (mildly) Risque
Version of the Ever
Popular Document
(the original version can be found HERE)
Remember That Time You Jay-Walked?
Sweep the Slate Clean
with a Personalized
Presidential Pardon!
You’ll Receive Two (2) Identical Personalized Certificates
Note: Border color and/or design may differ slightly from sample
The lower right of the document is actually
embossed with raised lettering
(like a notary stamp) which says:
“President of the United States of Amurica”
(actual spelling).
$16.95/2 ORDER CODE: C-85
The White House watermark has been changed to the Leaning Tower of Pisa to more accurately reflect the state of our Nation (ponderous and top-heavy). The Presidential Seal has a zipper. And at the bottom to the right of Bill’s signature, he says, “Hi Monika!” Silly? Yes, the man’s documentably silly.
The original text of this document was pretty boring. So we spiced it up so it more closely approximates what might have been said had our leader taken an honesty pill that day. Here’s what it says in this version:
Now Therefore, I, William (Billy Bob) Clinton, President of the United States and Grand Emperor of the Known Universe, Pursuant to the God-Like Powers Conferred Upon Me by My Friends in High Places and Monica Lewinski, in Consideration of the Sum of $350.00, Including But Not Limited to “Other” Intangible Favors, Perks, Services, Gratuities, Promises, Deals and Silences, Have Granted and by These Presents Do Grant a Full, Free and Absolute Pardon Unto (Your Name Here), for All Offenses Against the United States, the Laws of Nature, and the Animal Kingdom, Which He, (Your Name Here), Has Committed or May Have Committed or Taken Part In, or May Commit in the Future. In Witness Whereof, I Have Hereunto Set My Soft, Sweaty Hand this Twentieth Day of January, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and One, and of the Independence of the United States of America the Two Hundred and Twenty Fifth. Copyright © 2001 TrixiePixGraphics.Com
Now some folks might get the idea we don’t like President (ex) Clinton. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In point of fact, we have the greatest respect for the man, because he was, by far, THE most entertaining President we’ve ever had.
We’ve altered the format from the Pardon to, well, frankly, make it a little more attractive and official looking. The original actually looks a little like a note from the Principal’s office.
You supply your name, and we insert it seamlessly into the document. Our certificates measure 8.5 x 11 inches. They’re worthy of being framed (frames not included).
Certificate Number FC-85