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It's the End of the World. Again.
Scare the Girls at Work.

Unfortunately, this is another true story. 
Well.....sort of.
The "Desktop Black Hole" is real enough.
There really was a heated controversy over
whether or not it could be contained.
But it was contained.
--For now.

There's nothing to fear though. After all, the
state department is looking into it.

Sleep tight!

(To personalize this piece, let us put the research facility in the neighborhood of your choice. Good for manipulating Real Estate values nearby)


Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us. 


 Tiny Black Hole Artificially Created for Research 


Physics at Scotland University Run Afoul; Science 'Concerned'

"These experiments should have never been allowed to go forward."

Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)

Physicists in Scotland last January performed pioneering experiments to create tiny, artificial black holes in the laboratory which will be able to suck in light or sound waves.

The researchers expected the "desktop black holes" to provide important information about the fundamental behavior of matter and energy and to help resolve some of the apparent contradictions that lie at the heart of theoretical physics.

The foundations for the experiments were developed by Professor Adolf Heinrich and his team at the University of St. Marcos, with funding from the Engineering and Physical Anomalies Research Council.

In space, a black hole is formed when a star collapses in on itself. Because of its hugely concentrated mass, it has an extremely high gravitational pull. To escape from a black hole, matter or energy would need to travel at a velocity greater than that of light -- something which is not possible.

The experiments were carried out in strict secrecy due to substantial opposition and controversy regarding the safety of the procedures involved. Many scientists believed that once a black hole was created, no matter how small, it would be destined to grow in size and strength, and could never be stopped. It was akin to the nuclear "China Syndrome". Eventually, some scientists argued, any black hole would consume the earth. Those fears were rebuffed by physicists involved in the project.

"It's unfortunate," admitted Professor Heinrich, "that control of the experiment was lost."

The University has confirmed that the microscopic black hole has, indeed, "resisted all attempts to neutralize it". In an official statement the University said: "We regret that the [black hole] continues to grow. We are working to contain it, however our attempts have been only partially successful. Still, we do not believe there is any significant danger to the population at this time."

Scientists with the project have confirmed off the record that the tiny anomaly continues to "absorb" any container they try to place around it. As it absorbs more and more matter, it needs to absorb more and more matter. This will increase at a geometric rate and may be unstoppable. When asked for some estimate of the black hole's "area of influence", one researcher conceded that one wing of the University has been cordoned off, while "some portion of one room" has been [absorbed] into the hole.

The US State Department promises to look into the matter.

See Human Cloning Legalized in South Africa Page D-5


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