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As if one email scandal to rock the Democratic aspiration of running the country wasn't enough, Debbie Wasserman Schultz left the DNC in disgrace after more emails surfaced in which DNC principals derided Hillary Clinton rival Bernie Sanders, and apparently worked tirelessly to push him out of the running.

Emails denouncing Sanders' religion, sexual orientation, personal integrity and loyalty to America surfaced after Wikileaks disseminated them. Debbie Wasserman Schultz was at the center of the conspiracy, and emails in which she plotted the death, castration, and dismemberment of Sanders forced her out as Chairperson of the DNC. Debbie Wasserman Schultz refused to comment.

Hillary Clinton immediately hired Schultz, saying, "Hey, this is a knife fight and Debbie uses a machete. I don't give a rat's ass if she's honest or competent or intelligent or even if she values the rule of law -- I MUST be Queen of America and I will use every means and tool at my disposal to attain the Throne, or die trying. Having Debbie on my side is like having a secret stash of toxic poison that I can direct and manipulate because, God knows, that broad will do absolutely anything I say. Anything. And now I fucking own her."

Donald Trump responded by tweeting, "Is anyone surprised?"