FAKE CUSTOM NEWSPAPERS

President Obama held an emergency news conference from the White House today to explain new action he was considering in the wake of the truck attack in Nice, Paris in which scores of innocent people were mowed down by a large truck driven by an Islamic terrorist.

Said Obama: "I now think this situation is wholly intolerable. Radical elements have caused great turmoil, suffering and death across the world. The United States has not been spared. I have acted in the best interests of the country up to this point and I will continue to do so. But we must remember that the answer to violence is not more violence. The answer is compassion, understanding and love. All great religions have taught us this. I have instructed my staff, just today, to draw up a letter of condemnation using the strongest possible language and terms, and this will be delivered to the heads of all known terror organisations worldwide. I believe we can appeal to their sense of reason and logic to end this slaughter. I have no doubt my Muslim brothers and sisters will join with me in denouncing violence and in helping their counterparts of find compassion for their victims."

One reporter suggested that if the administration knew where to reach the heads of all known terror groups, perhaps a clearer message might be sent with a ton of C4 delivered to each location, as opposed to a 'letter in the strongest terms'.

Obama answered by telling the reporter to sit down and shut up and not try to engage him again unless she had something intelligent to discuss.